I believe in the last conscious pause before sleep. The idea of going to bed comes with a wide range of thoughts and tasks I have yet to complete. Insomnia has caused me to go nights without enough sleep. The worst memory I have of this is when I went to Costa Rica to backpack through the rainforest. We hiked anywhere from six to ten hours a day. I was exhausted and felt I had deserved a good night sleep, but unfortunately my desire for sleep was never fulfilled. I would lay awake in the most peaceful and beautiful places in the world with the sound of nature all around me still never to be greeted by the sandman. I would lie there awake and feel the cool air moving through our simple shelter. At times I heard a rustle off in the distance and on the occasional moment you would hear absolutely nothing. Not the gently rhythmic breathing of the people next to me, nor the ambient sound of nature. Just nothing. But as the night went on and the sounds of the forest grew louder, I found myself thinking more clearly than at any other point of the day.
I finally have time to lie there and think of the next day and anything that I have to do. I can finally think of the plan as a whole. I can even pause and just think in Spanish. As the plans would formulate and take shape and become concrete I would feel a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment even though I had not acted upon them. With my thoughts organized I would then slowly fall asleep until I would awaken again in just a few short hours but this time I still had the finalized plan in my head and found peace and would fall back asleep.
Even to this day, my nights are the same. I have learned to accept my insomnia and have grown fond of it. I still struggle to fall asleep and even when I finally do I wake up every two hours. This is the only time of the day where I can stop to think without worrying about responsibilities. I don’t need to keep to a schedule or be physically entertained by electronics or anything else. It’s because of this that I believe in the last pause before sleep. The beauty of this moment is passed by so many people’s desire to simply move on to their nightly slumber. Everybody has someplace to be or something to do. Even with sleep. People approach their bed only hoping to lie down and sleep. I see my bed as a place to stop and think. To lie down and not have to get up again, it is the only time where there doesn’t have to be just another task.
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